Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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