i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
