My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
