my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
