I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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