grandma shit on top of the toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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