I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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