ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
