Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Congratulations! We have a period
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