Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
do herpes really smell.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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