he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Shame - the story of my life.
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