I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
