if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
