I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
