do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
