well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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