I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
