her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
