Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
