Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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