Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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