This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
