wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
