I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
