I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
