Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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