That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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