i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
