i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
