You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We are all done wearing pants today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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