Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
