my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
