just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
