I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
