i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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