"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
