i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
