I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
