she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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