I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
