I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
