Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
