jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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