I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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