I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
