Already got asked if we're dating
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
