So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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