Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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