Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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