Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
